MY IRONIC FATE
”you can’t marry your sister”
He went into the house, silent, with his bloomy face, shocked, from what he just heard, not knowing what suddenly hit him out of the blue .He was slapped by the harsh unforgivable truth, not knowing whether to be angry and pissed off or to be surprised; or just accept the way things are, but only if he knew sooner, things might have been different for him, it just might. Yet he was so frustrated to think right or to understand whether to thank the unquestionable fate for finally showing him the right facts or just deplore it for being so unpredictable and dishonest. After a while of walking around the place, lost in a tornado of an infinite possibilities and irrational theories, since for him the truth now is rather questionable as it depends on the circumstances, places and time, not mentioning people; so just as the outcome of those boiling wonders he said or rather screamed out loud:
“Who is she to decide whether I needed to know or not? Whether I needed siblings? All I need is the truth, who is she to decide for me what I need to know and what I need not? Who gave her that right? Did I? did I? Maybe I did by being so obedient and calmly good, is that how she thanks me? wow what a reward , all I asked for is a peaceful life within my family, people I trust and I share with my joy and sorrow , I, share, I’m the one who takes control and I’m in charge of my life; no one else is. so if it’s messed up this way I know that I’m the only one responsible for it and it’s damn sure that I’m the one who is going to fix it, it still is my concerns, my choices, my life, if I screw up I clean my own mess, if I succeed I collect the rewards , no one asked them to intervene , what I’m I supposed to do now ?”
Then, another hue of silence took over the atmosphere once again and he got back digging deep into his mind, remembering the echo of his step mother’s voice, getting louder and louder trying to find a sense in what she was saying.
Stepmom: I’m sorry to be the one who has to tell you this, but honey you can’t marry her,
“her” seemed so diminishing for him , it’s true that they haven’t known each other for a long time now, but he consider her as the love of his life, he never thought of marriage before he met her and now he can’t think of it any other way ;
Stepmom: “listen to me love, I know you broke up with your girlfriend for her, and I know that you went through a lot of trouble to finally be able to get with her, I really do, but you have to accept the fact that it’s not going to happen”.
He couldn’t understand if she ever wanted it to happen. And he didn’t care either; all he knew is that she hasn’t the right to stop him from getting what he wanted. He thought, that during all his life, all things that he ever loved were taking away from him, so now he’s deciding to stand up for what he loves, saying “you can’t take this away from me, not this time, no”. Though it might not have been his stepmother’s fault after all;
Thus, just for a while then, the memory of her words slipped away, left him with a motion that seamed soundless and made him dizzy, taking his mind to the first time he saw her, for he had something like an intern doubt deep inside, asking himself “can she? Really can she take this away from me? wondering how badly does he want this , how much does she matter for him and like someone who’s obviously lost in his thoughts replied to his questions , “it all shows in that first look”.
And he’s right, who would imagine Christopher, letting go his long-term girlfriend for anybody else “even I can’t imagine a day like that coming along» he used to say.
Until the day, she moved to town, the first day of his senior year, seeing a girl lighten up his college year , was an unforgettable memory carved on every body’s mind.
It was that kind of unexplainable attractions, that some consider the hand of god, others say its faith and he used to call it “love”, I say it’s all of that in one look. Since he confessed that she gave him the look, the look that altered his mind, his beliefs and his life altogether, that ever since the moment he saw her, he knew they meant to be together somehow, that they were meant to meet and to cherish the jolly as the depressing moments of their lives. Which is true, in a way or another, but not exactly as Chris, like everybody called him has imagined it, which is kind of sarcastic how the ironic fate has played him,“ it never had enough” he says “my destiny just loves to surprise me, most people would die for surprises, regarding their pathetic, boring life. I wish they only knew, would someone ever tell them that life did surprise me so often yet they were never good ones,”“except the day I met her” he adds referring to Christine;
Christine is the girl I love and she is with no doubt the girl I’m marrying and my father has no right to do this to me. I mean how could you? Addressing his stepmom Or even more how could he? I’m his sun god damn it, he never listened to me or tried to make me happy, not even once, not ever since my mom died.
He seemed not to be able to achieve anything in his whole life-time, neither as a father nor as a man, he’s supposed to be a family men, he should be aware of that. I, knew it, all along and yet I never got the courage to confront him, I never even had the bravery to ask him for my pocket money when I was younger and had to beg my mom to take it from him and give it to me for I couldn’t bear the thought of him noticing it, I mean how can I? in fact I was never able to face him with the fact, that he was a terrible father and that I needed love, I needed him to show me that he cares. Yet the only time I remember me and dad having an actual conversation, was when I was like ten years old, and I was asking him whether he could ever love me the way mom did? And rather than just saying that he does, that he loves me with all his heart, you know what he did? He married you. I mean what kind of father is that, I was a child who misses his mom and needs comfort, who needed his dad to reassure him that he still have a father and that he will always be there for him; not to bring some strange women to the house and tell him: ‘hey boy look what I got, a new wife that I can screw with and a new mother for you’. Where did he find you in a toy store?
I’m sorry, I don’t mean to offend you, I don’t really hate you and you are very much aware that I don’t love you either, I just loathed the fact that dad brought you home and made you invade our family time our private life and never considered my emotions, never bothered to ask me what I thought or even respected my existence as an individual in the house not mentioning that I was his son.
Stepmom: you said even that you was his son?
That word hit Chris right on the head, though he said it and he truly meant it but it felt more real and devastating for him, hearing it from someone else, which made him kind of nervous or disappointed, his stepmom couldn’t get it, for he just looked down, mumbled for a while, then looked at her right in the eyes, so that she could see his pain and sorrow. That look made her tears find their way down and streamed without permission or previous announcement; he gave her the look she had fifteen years ago, when she first entered the house, when he first saw her.
And finally said:“yah was.
He has a new family now; I wish him good luck being a father to them for I know he never was a father to me and I never thought he ever knew how to be.
For you see, when he really should’ve protected me from an outsider strange world I had no idea what it hidden for me and was tremendously afraid of. You know what he did, he brought that world home, why should I bother going out and fetch to discover it while it’s right here at home; ‘deal with it boy’. That is what kept me from loving you, I know you weren’t that bad to me, you cared and tried for me like your own son, but I just couldn’t “.
Stepmom: “Chris listen to me, I know you had a difficult childhood”.
Chris: “I wouldn’t call it difficult, try dramatic, terrible…”
Stepmom:” yah whatever, you’re right, you had a sad, horrible childhood , but it’s over now .that’s the beauty of life ,people move on, that’s the strength that keep them moving forward , don’t let your depression ruin the rest of your life, you can save what you still have. I know you lost too much and I do know how much it hurts but please, you still can try, don’t lose it all, you can gather what is left and make a life out of it, and it’s not the end of the world”.
Chris:” yah , right it’s not , he still hasn’t came back yet and finish ruining what he started , I’m not going to build my life over some leftover of a crashed soul, of broken-dreams child, who would probably kill his father, damp his stepmother and marry his sister , how messed up is that? Ha?”
With Chris’s words, the atmosphere of the conversation got tense, his voice got louder, while his emotions were boiling out, exploding in her tears; so she run out to him and hugged him real tight, when he was just trying to get rid of the uncomfortable emotions, which she spread over him. For she never hugged him before.al though she tried, he never gave her the space to get even close. yet, this time, he just surrendered , and though, he tried for a while , before he got overwhelmed and his tears just fled out an endless river, full of all the disappointments , hate and grudge; all the dreams that have been crashed and all the love he never had, just spread out in one significant hug,
…In a sensational moment, they were both speechless , and inexpressive all the words of the vocabulary seamed unworthy and rather unreachable since both were overburdened to speak, while their touch and tears did all the talking , so she kept saying I’m sorry and he kept saying thank you.
After a flurry of emotional relief, reality flooded abruptly up again, and made Chris lurch by bewilderment, gave a gaze at his stepmother’s eyes, in which she saw his wretchedness for himself and his unfortunate condition, therefore understood his desperate need for comfort and support, even before practical salvation. Thereafter, she helped him set down, get his throat back to place, for he was feeling noxious, shuddering and about to vomit from an unexplainable nausea; until his pieces were held together and he was ready to talk , she asked him :
“Son , despite all your fear, your sorrow and your deep grief I know that inside-o-u , you’re wise enough to recognize what’s right from what’s wrong and I’m sure that you’re aware of what you have to do , I’m feeling your agony , but there is not much to do in this case , you know I’ll be there for you when things fall apart , I’m here now to help you to it and through it and with no doubt I’m going to struggle with you out of it, to make sure you’ll be fine. But sooner or later you cannot fight the inevitable; you have to council the wedding, talk to Christine and your father. There is no other way out, get some explanations, all the answers you want and I’ll be there pushing him hard to get it out of him. This is the confrontation of your life, which is going to decide your fate and your path forward, you just need to lean for it and do it. for you neither can marry your own sister, nor can you punish destiny for uniting you the way it did , God has his wisdom and own reasons of choosing certain roads for us and he certainly has one for you , you just need time to understand it and find wisdom and sense in it “.
Chris: “are you saying that I should give up on Christine? “
Stepmother: “she is your sister for heaven sake!! What are you planning to do? I understand that you fell for her, but it isn’t meant to be; you have to call the wedding off, and try to find another way of loving her, a more appropriate way, like a sister, like she truly is”.
Chris: “do you think I’m not trying? I have been and I’m still struggling with it and it’s causing me great agony. I feel like losing part of me, of my soul, each time the thought of leaving her occurs to my mind.”
Stepmother:” oh don’t be such a drama queen, we all are struggling, I believe Christine is dying since she heard the news, you know she is a very sensitive and excessively feeble girl, how do you think she took this abrupt fact? Look, I have to be strait forward and honest with you don’t be selfish and self centered, only because you had a screwed up childhood, you are not the only one who has his life messed up by this unfortunate fate, so try to be thoughtful and considering, be strong for those you care about and think about them, Ere thinking about your own interests, do what is right and in the best interest of every one, you have to let her go! For her own sake as it is for your best.”
Chris:” Yah! Maybe I should, it’s just killing me, knowing that all of my troubles are coming from the first person who should make me happy, my dear dad!! Gosh, how foolish could I be? thinking that he might have changed, traveling so far from home , thinking he might missed his unfortunate son; while he was going to bring a daughter , and how brazen and bold he could be, bringing her like that, putting her in a hotel, introduce her as a dear friend’s daughter! Put her in the same college I’m enrolling, how could I possibly not fall in love with her? She is, technically, a part of me, in a way or another; I’m starting to think that he is my dishonest, distractive fate; since he made all of this possible and it’s because of him that this firstly happened. Yah! It’s fascinating! How all my troubles turn around to come back to the same source, him, dad!! akh how I hate him, I really do;“
Suddenly, a savage inexorable nock leaned on the door interrupting the conversation and bringing an end to it;
Stepmother: “you can hate him all you want, yet, you still have to deal with this; it must be someone from the church knocking. I’ll manage to stop the preparations and you should clear your head and speak to Christine, see how she’s taking this horrifying news , before you confront your father, I recommend you do it on your own and let her have hers, this will do you good , both of you. you need this more than you think , more than you ever needed a father , so you could leave it all behind and move on forward with your life , I’ll help with all my might , my heart is with you , I wish you all the best my dear son .”
That word, caught him right from his wounded injuries and in it he had felt home, for the first time in his entire life he could find himself in her words, in her caring heart, he founded the love he has always been thirsty for , so he took a deep breath, in which he felt relief and through which he freed all his rage and anger held inside keeping him from finding happiness , so he nodded his head agreeing and in his way out to meet his destiny, gave her a slight smile that felt like a wild announcement of glory, for finally achieving internal peace and find a way to happiness , with that smile drown all over his figure and exhorting all his face he went out and determingly slammed the door behind him.
……..To Be Continued…….